Call Me by Your Name

“Is it better to speak or to die?”

Being a teenager is a really weird time. You are still young enough for your parents to make you wear a goofy shirt. You are still young enough to not let the door slam too loud at night. You have no confidence. You second guess everything you do.

Yet, you are old enough to get your heart broken. You are old enough to create a connection that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You are old enough to feel something for the first time.

I’m not sure if there has ever been a better cinematic depiction of teenage yearning. It all starts the moment Elio puts Oliver’s shorts over his head. It’s an act that seems vulgar at first (like many others to follow), but as you watch it unfold you realize just how much sincerity & sensitivity Guadagnino has towards what he’s showing on screen. There is an underlying sweetness that causes you to become truly enveloped in this high charged sexual yearning that morphs into a passionate romance. Whether it’s smelling handwritten notes or making out in the stairwell, the sweetness of their passion is authentic because of the care Luca applies to the story & how much time we spend with both characters. Sure, the yearning seems a bit much at times, but shouldn’t it be? It’s a teenage boy after all.

My favorite thing about Call Me By Name though is that it never does anything for shock factor. There are moments in the film that when explained out of context, would gross you out. Yet, it never feels that way when you are watching it. It all feels earned. And within the context of the film, those moments are actually very sweet & authentic to the characters. That’s hard to pull off, especially in a world where directors lean on shock factor solely for their film to go viral (cough cough Emerald Fennell). Unlike these younger filmmakers, Luca’s intentions are pure here. He isn’t trying to go viral or shock people, he just happened to. Every film that tries to do a similar thing in a completely unnatural and insincere way makes me appreciate this one more.

Finally, it really hit me on a rewatch how the differences in Oliver and Elio’s age are so clearly seen in how they think about their entanglement, even before it starts. Oliver says things like, “I don’t want to feel like I messed you up.” Making it clear that he knows how lost connection & heartbreak can mess someone up since he’s been down that road before. While Elio says things like, “It’s not like you are going to be in any trouble.” Since he’s never fallen in love or lusted after someone he can’t think about the path he’s about to go down in any other terms than the “getting in trouble” lens of a kid. It’s like the world is black and white before love introduces color into your life.

It doesn’t matter how many books you read, how well you play the piano, or how smart you are. Nothing will come close to that overwhelming feeling you get when you fall in love for the first time. And then nothing will come close to heartbreak when it inevitably ends.

“We wasted so many days.”